Principle 1: Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.
Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor. -Matthew 5:3
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. -Romans 7:18
The psychological definition of denial is: a defense mechanism in which the existence of unpleasant internal or external realities is denied and kept out of conscious awareness. By keeping the stressors out of consciousness, they are prevented from causing anxiety. (source)
Before recovery can begin, we must first face and admit our denial. Although it seems like a small step, facing and admitting our denial is a huge leap toward recovery.
According to a research article by the NY Times, there are several varieties of denial. These include (but are not limited to): inattention, passive acknowledgment, reframing, and willful blindness.
Inattention: Sometimes people deny things because they really are not aware of them. This is the basic and most innocent form of denial, and only applies to infrequent or occasional occurrences.
That’s not what happened./I didn’t mean that, what I meant was _________.
Passive Acknowledgement: This kind of denial is often utilized by individuals who are co-dependent. They acknowledge the problem, but underplay it by allowing the person an extra dose of grace and oversight, often making excuses for their behaviors.
He didn’t mean to hurt me when he hit me./It’s not her fault, I made her angry, she must be having a bad day./I’m just under a lot of stress, things will get better when my life gets easier.
Reframing: A form of justification, reframing acknowledges the behavior but reinterprets it in a favorable way. The individual in denial is constantly altering their thoughts and perceptions about their behaviors or those of the addict.
My ___________ habit doesn’t hurt anyone, so it’s okay./I am doing better than her, so I’m doing fine.
Willful Blindness: One of the most severe forms of denial, the person acknowledges their behaviors but refuses to view them as problematic. It is at this point where an addict believes they can stop at any given time, or assumes that their behavior is normal.
So what if I like to ________? I can quit anytime I want to./He might __________, but he always apologizes and makes up for it the next day. He doesn’t mean it.
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar to you? Many of us use these forms of denial throughout our lives for a variety of situations. Take some time to ask God to show you areas in your life where you might be blinded by denial. When He brings something to light, don’t run from it! This is how progress is made, and facing our denial is the first step.
Hopefully you have a recovery community that you can turn to for support. If you aren’t involved in a recovery community, I highly recommend that you find one that fits with your individual circumstances and needs. There are many resources and support groups available for a variety of issues. Why not start by finding a Celebrate Recovery group near you?